Beloved Brethren in Christ, understandably some men sometimes wonder if it’s possible to have a totally pleased woman. My answer is yes but only when we follow the instructions in the manual of the creator of the institution called marriage—God.
Eph 5:25-30 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (26) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (27) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (28)
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (29) For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (30) For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
God created the male and the female and hence he alone understands what can satisfy the need of the souls (intelligence, mind, will and emotions) of the respective sexes. In this post we are focusing on the female and what quenches the thirst of her soul. It is simple. Love is the answer to the thirst of every female’s heart. Not just any type of love but the one talked about in the scripture quoted above. What type of love is this? It is true love—one that is unconditional where she is loved not based on her performance or beauty but rather based on the infinite value and worth that her creator and father has put on her. This love is explained by the scriptures and we will get to that shortly. The Greek word that Apostle Paul used here for love is agapao.
What is agapao?
Let us first take a look at Thayer’s Greek Definitions:
G25
ἀγαπάω
agapaō
Thayer Definition:
1) of persons
1a) to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly
2) of things
2a) to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing
Part of Speech: verb
A Related Word by Thayer’s/Strong’s Number: perhaps from agan (much) [or compare G5368]
Citing in TDNT: 1:21, 5
So what does God mean when he instructs husbands to love their wives?
It means husbands welcome, entertain, be fond of, love dearly, be well pleased with and be contented with your wife. But God did not leave us with this word alone. He actually tells husbands what he expects from them? He says to husbands in Eph 5:25-30
Instruction: love your wives,
Man: But how should I love my wife?
God: even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Man: But what is the purpose and benefit of doing this?
God: That you might sanctify and cleanse your wife or bride with the washing of water by the word, That you might present her to yourself a glorious bride, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that she should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
How did Jesus love his bride the church? If you understand this, then this is the measure with which men are to love their wives. He loved his bride to the point of death. He willingly gave his life for her so that she would not have to suffer death. Now this is true love. He allowed others to strip him naked and beat him to a pulp and hang him on a tree just for his brides salvation. WOW! Someone may say, but this is impossible for us to do. Such a pessimist would have been right if love was a physical phenomenon that we exercise by our own individual might but it is not. Rather as Gal 5:22 teaches us, love is spiritual and a fruit of the Holy Spirit in the lives of people who have accepted the Holy Spirit and his help in their lives. Hence for anyone to love and I mean truly love, it requires that they make a determinate choice to do so by submitting to the Holy Spirit who would in turn help them to love like God. If any man would love his spouse with the help of the Holy Spirit according to the prescription of God, their women will be satisfied. These women would have no fear because God’s love channeled through their husbands would dispel all fear and insecurity which is the root of most dissatisfaction in homes.
What does loving God’s way mean practically?
God described what he meant by agape in 1Cor 13. A man who loves his wife by the Holy Ghost will be helped by the Holy Spirit to endures long and to be patient and kind with her because AGAPAO or true love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not impatient. It is not arrogant and inflated with pride; it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].
If men love like this with the help of the Holy Ghost, the spouses will be happy and contented.
Brothers, love is a fruit of the spirit. It is supernatural and not natural. Let us allow God to help us love. But a man who does not know God’s love in his own life cannot love like this. He must first know God’s love for himself. A man who knows God’s love for himself in his own life will also know how to give it to a woman. Freely he has received and freely he will give. He will know how to
nourish, carefully
protect and cherish her and this will make her satisfied.
