Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
These two scriptures contain the simple solution to true happiness in marriage yet many folks the world over fail to live out the simplicity of this biblical truth. Some years back I sought out a reason for the perishing or unhappiness in many marriages around the world and the only answer I got was Hosea 4:6. God’s people perish in their endeavors for lack of knowledge. It is not because of Satan or darkness. All we need is light or truth to make our lives a success. It is the truth that sets free. Today I will show the relationship between godly submission and agape and hopefully at the end of this post we can see how simple yet important it is to heed this advice practically in our daily lives. But to do so, I would like to first explain the Greek word translated as fellowship or communion in the scriptures. This is because marriage was instituted to mirror the fellowship or communion between man and his creator.
I always wondered why when a man had sexual relations with his wife in the OT, the scripture would usually say it this way, “And Adam knew Eve and she gave birth to…” This word knew is the crux of the matter. If couples knew each other physically, in the realm of the soul and spiritually, many challenges they face will fade away. This knowing is connected to the Greek word translated as fellowship and communion in scripture. It is more than mere intellectual knowledge.
WHAT IS FELLOWSHIP & COMMUNION?
The original word used by the Apostles or authors of the books of the NT for fellowship is transliterated as koinōnia and it occurs 20 times in the King James Version of the NT. What does it mean? What is this koinōnia?
It’s a feminine noun and it is defined as fellowship, association, community, communion, joint participation. Most of us may already know this about koinōnia but not many know that another part of its definition is intercourse because koinōnia is connected with the word coitus.
Now what does intercourse mean? It means the following:
- dealings or communication between individuals, groups,countries, etc.
- interchange of thoughts, feelings, etc.
- sexual relations or a sexual coupling, especially coitus.
True koinōnia is intercourse. Physical koinōnia is physical intercourse of two bodies. Mental koinōnia is mental intercourse or intermingling or two minds hence iron sharpening iron in the realm of the soul and spiritual koinōnia is the highest. It is simply such intercourse of two spirits that the two cease being two and become ONE spirit. That is why the scriptures say that he who is joined to the Lord is ONE spirit with him. This is also why Gen 2:24 tells us that a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be ONE flesh. How do they become ONE? Through the koinōniaof their bodies, souls and spirits.
1Co 6:16-17 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. (17) But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
With that said, let’s launch into deeper waters. All that we see with our naked eyes are a reflection of what is already in the spirit. That is why scripture often uses physical things to explain the spiritual. Paul used the picture of a human body to explain the body of Christ for instance. He even used it to explain the relationship between husband and wife in Eph 5. Today I will use the human anatomy and sexuality to explain the relationship between submission and love amongst a married couple.
When we look at the male anatomy, God gave clues as to what satisfies males physically. These clues are true for their souls and spirits as well. The spirit is simply a reflection of the physical so even if we cannot see the spirit we can make inferences about it from what transpires with the physical part of man so let’s begin with what brings man fulfillment and satisfaction to men.
WHAT BRINGS SATISFACTION TO THE MALE?
If you look at the male reproductive gate, it protrudes out of the body frame, even more so when interaction is taking place. Physically speaking, what brings males fulfillment is when they are able to sow their seed and the seed is received willingly. It is a beauty to see that seed receive nurture and grow until it becomes a full fledged grown up human being. This brings fulfillment to males.
Now this aspect of male satisfaction is also true of the soul and spirit of males. All men derive satisfaction from giving of themselves in seed form mentally or spiritually. When I speak of seed, I am referring to the definition rendered by the scriptures in the parable of the sower. According to that parable of Jesus, the sower soweth the Word so seeds are Words mentally and spiritually speaking. We are born again by the incorruptible seed of the Word of God. The seed is the Word. That is a why a husband is expected by God to sow the Word in his wife’s mind and spirit. He is a gardener like Adam in this sense. The proof that men are to sow the seed in their spouse is Eph 5:26 which shows us in context of the greater chapter that husbands like Christ are supposed to sanctify and cleanse their bride or body with the washing of water by the word. It is this giving that fulfils a man. When he sows his seed and it is received willingly into welcoming soil of body, mind or spirit.
That is why when a man cannot give physically or mentally to his family he feels inadequate and frustrated. When his wife does not listen to him [i.e. his seed rejected] he potentially can feel insecure etc. Its because that is how the creator made men, to be sowers and gardeners. We are sowers and are never satisfied until we are allowed to sow and see the growth of our seeds. The soil of the physical body goes without saying. It is the womb but the womb of the soul is the mind i.e. the place of conception of facts, thoughts and ideas.
WHAT BRINGS SATISFACTION TO THE FEMALE?
A woman’s reproductive gate is the perfect picture of submission. It does not protrude out of her body like the male’s but rather sinks inward. What does that teach us about the mental anatomy of the female? Females gain fulfillment from receiving, nurturing and eventually birthing what they had received in seed form. Their reproductive gate is designed by the creator as a receptacle and nurturer of seed. As we have already said, seed could be words. By the way, the best seed to be sown into a woman’s soul is words that are spirit and life (John 6:63) i.e. words that have their origin in God. Women take in seeds and reproduce after the kind of the seed sown. If you sow godly seeds in them, they will reproduce godly stuff for you. The vice versa is true also. That is why when Eve took in both the word of God and later the word of the serpent she gave birth to one good plant i.e. Abel and a bad one i.e. Cain.
Women are designed to receive. so when a husband refuses to give seed but rather chooses to substitute quality time, affection and words of God with money and houses it is unfulfilling and unsatisfactory. Only proper seeds fulfill a woman. And to sow the seeds, it requires a degree of intimacy or proximity, time and affection with her either through digital media or physical presence.
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN AGAPE AND SUBMISSION
We have settled that men love and women submit. Men sow and women receive what is sown. Spirit filled men generate seeds from Holy Ghost and sow into the womb or mind of the woman’s soul and this mutual divine exchange of words that are spirit and life bring fulfillment and satisfaction for both parties.
This giving by men is what we call agape and this receiving by women is what we call submission. It’s as simple as that. This is the reason for the instruction from the creator for men to love and women to submit is the secret of happiness. Submission is the natural disposition of all women whiles godly love is the natural disposition of all men. Both complement each other.
After a one-0on-one webinar of sorts with an awesomely WISE friend about the themes we have just discussed, I would like with her permission, to share with you my dear readers some of her thoughts which might help someone:
COMMENTS FROM A FRIEND:
So no holds barred. There is then no “I” but “We” cos true intercourse involves body, soul and spirit…all levels of existence. No individual wanting to do things his or her own way—intercourse that stems from a deep level of “knowing“…as well as one would know self. Remember fusion of cells in biology….no separate parts but one whole! Even God had that level of intercourse and intimacy with Adam in the garden and that is why he immediately knew that something had gone wrong when Adam and Eve hid themselves from Him. They had gone their own way and had become separated from Him! They had broken the oneness.
So often we fail to achieve this level of oneness and coitus on all levels in our marriages. We focus so much only on the physical level and then we don’t realize the impact it should have on all levels.
We are even afraid to be “naked and not ashamed” before each other. We hide our flaws, our insecurities… we put up a front. And not until we know and trust each other to be truly intimate and joined on all levels will marriage work. In retrospect, I realize so many things…. fear being the main hindrance. Perfect love does indeed cast out all fear..
Most of all…my words [as a woman] matter so much; especially as a woman to her man… but his words matter even more. He needs to touch me, reach me… fill me, with the seed of his word and I need that wisdom from God to “encompass” him and let him thrive. I need to take that seed and bring him joy by nurturing it and returning it to him. Even God’s word shall not return to Him void…..
He needs to be heard! Many times we women are inadvertently selfish cos we think we need to be heard the more…because we are more emotional…”Not true’!
Now I realize how easily a woman can cause her man to withdraw and keep his thoughts and his words to himself for fear of them being rejected or misjudged. Cos we girls know how to shoot a ‘nigger’ down! We know how to take those words and twist it and play it back and rub it in…cos we are experts at internalizing you see!
Loving and cherishing a man like that who is submitted fully to God….respecting and honouring him will so come naturally to his mate. Like Sarah calling Abraham Lord…
